Tot mijn 20e heb ik in hetzelfde huis gewoond. Niet alleen is het het huis waar ik ben geboren en opgegroeid, het is ook de plaats waar ik fantastisch blij was, verdrietig, boos en me op mijn gemak voelde. Zelfs nu, vijf jaar na de laatste keer dat ik er ben geweest, kan ik er in gedachten rondlopen. Ik weet nog hoe het er rook, welke sfeer er hing en hoe het profiel op de muur er uitzag en aanvoelde.
Sinds 2004 ben ik vier keer verhuisd: naar een twee kamer appartementje met een plat dak en een sexueel zéér actieve 50+-buurman, een benedenverdieping die ooit tot een heel huis behoorde en waarbij je elke drol hoorde die de bovenbuurvrouw in haar pot liet glijden, een gerestaureerd appartement in het centrum waar het binnen waaide en sinds een jaar leef ik in een eengezinswoning in een dode nieuwbouwwijk met voornamelijk veel kinderen, thuisblijvende moeders en voordringende mensen bij de kassa. Zoals je kunt zien: een breed palet aan woonruimtes. En elk huisje had wel wat, zowel in de goede als slechte zin. Behalve dat gevoel dat ik had in mijn ouderlijk huis.
Als het even meezit mogen mijn vriend en ik deze zomer weer verhuizen. Alweer enkele weken ben ik hard op zoek naar dát huisje waar ik mijn draai wel kan vinden. Want tot nu toe wilde ik uit elk huis na een jaar weer weg. Dat wordt weer dozen in- en uitpakken, de laatste schoonmaak waarbij altijd nog stiekem spulletjes achterblijven en een hoop zweet. Ik weet niet of ik dat thuisgevoel ooit ergens ga krijgen. Maar ik weet wel zeker dat ik een hekel heb aan verhuizen.
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